Well it’s been two long years since I became a heart mum. On the 17th of September 2010, I first heard the words ” I am sorry, your baby’s heart does not look normal”. We have come a long, long way since then! I wish I could have seen our life this day two years ago as I sat on a beach and cried, watching a beautiful little girl with red Wellington boots and her mummy playing and splashing in the water. I wish God would have spared us the hurt, anger and upset. I wish he had spared B the hurt, pain and suffering. However that was not meant to be! And I must thank Him for all he has given us.
It’s been said to experience true Joy you need to experience pain. There is no rainbow without the rain! I guess this is true. Our life is far from perfect, but it’s perfect for us. All that matters is our little miracle is here with us today. She is really the most amazing little girl. Anyone who meets her tells us this. I know we are biased but I must say I have to agree.
Today marks a new chapter in our lives. Today I am officially moving on!!!! I know there will be ups and downs along the way with Béibhinn, as there is with every child.
However I will wait until that day, I will now live in the present and enjoy Bs wonderful life.
I have been given a great gift these last few weeks, that gift is hope. We have found older Heterotaxy kids in their late twenties. These adults are getting tattoo’s, getting married, running karate training course, all in all living pretty normal lives. The life I wish for my daughter.
The pain of being told my daughter would die at birth, that she may only live to be four or five, that pain will never go away. However I have to stop letting it rule our life and how we live.
So today I am letting go. I know I will always be a heart mum and hope if someone needs me in the future I will be there for them as heart mums have and were for me when I needed it most. However from now on I am 100 percent my daughters mum, there to kiss scrapped knees better and love her to bits. There to leave room to turn the page into our next chapter of life. Holding onto the past is stopping our future from happening so today I am letting go.
Once upon a time happened along time ago…… Here’s to our future and our happy ever after, I love you B Bear and your daddy x x