Rampage

Well guys this life sure is super busy. Now that I am officially into digit land and let’s face it, getting old…. I decided it was about time I pulled my weight around here ( not that I have much weight to pull, but anyway) so I got a job!

The most convenient and rewarding job is to help my mummy around the house. Man am I good at that! I must admit I am super talented but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be so good and creative! Mummy does a good job keeping the house looking nice, but guys between you and me it looks really boring with everything in its place. All I can say is thank god I decided to take on the job as my mummy’s business partner in decorating and organising the house.

Now guys this isn’t an easy task and I must admit it is time consuming. A typical day starts with me emptying all the cupboards in the kitchen. This of course has a number of benefits – firstly you get to see everything you have, hence making it really easy to grab what you need in a hurry to make breakfast and secondly it looks so much more interesting and colourful.

Mummy obviously did not agree because she started putting everything back in the cupboards. While she was busy putting everything back in the cupboards I checked to make sure she had the washing machine setting on the correct number. Thank god I did guys, she had only gone and put it on 40 everyone knows higher numbers are better. It’s ok however because I fixed it and turned the number to 90. I was happily observing my work when mummy realised what I had done and ran over and turned it back to 40. This woman has serious control issues. I really don’t know how we are going to work together like this. She really needs to learn to delegate and appreciate my work. Thank god I am not a quitter. So when all this was done I helped mummy empty the dish washer. I learned something really cool, if you grab a cup by the handle and throw it really hard on the floor it smashes into loads of little colourful pieces and there was so much colour every where, I was super impressed with myself. Mummy wasn’t very impressed however, Typical.

So while mummy was picking up all the little pieces off the floor I decided I better make myself useful and put things into the bins like I see mummy do all the time. I got my bottle, hello kitty plate and mummy’s purse from her hand bag and put them all into the bin. While I was in there I found a few brown soggy things that mummy puts in her tea. Guys these are super for colouring on the tiles in the kitchen. I created a master piece. Well what do you think mummy did! You guessed it she only threw her eyes to heaven and got a cloth a wiped the floor. At this rate daddy will be home from work and he ll think I did nothing to help mummy all day.

I was getting a little tired of the way mummy was acting so while she was taking her purse out of the bin and wiping last nights dinner off it I decided I would rearrange the stools in the kitchen. I started to push them over to the fridge and next thing I know they fell on top of me and I started screaming. Mummy ran over and picked me up. She looked scared and asked me was I ok. “hello” was I ok! This was all her fault. If she had just left all the wonderful work I had done so far today to show daddy all would have been fine.

Eventually I calmed down and mummy took me into the office / playroom so I could watch Oso and she could catch up on her work emails. After a while I felt bad that I wasn’t helping more so I crawled over to mummy and put my fingers into what mummy and daddy call the shredder, just to see if there was any paper in it that needed to be taken out. Mummy must have unplugged in because it didn’t make the funny noise it normally does and mummy didn’t go white this time. Instead she smiled and picked me up on her lap. I started banging on her keyboard and then mummy said, ” oh no B your just after pressing send” I was quite proud of this but again mummy obviously wasn’t because she called some one and explained how she was sorry, but her little girl was playing with her keyboard and pressed send so to please ignore the current e mail. Well if that’s what she thinks of my work I will just have to work harder to prove how productive I am.

So I managed to colour on the table, mash my dinner into the carpet along with emptying nearly all my bottle of milk on top of that, I toppled over the box of paper clips and took all the paper and letters off mummy’s desk. I opened the forbidden press and emptied it, took all the DVDs off the stand, tried to encourage the budgie to eat his food by eating his food like mummy does to get me to eat, I found my toothpaste and squeezed it all over the place and on my clothes and then crawled along the floor and made a beautiful pretty blue trail.

Mummy is running after me trying to make it look like I did nothing but I think I am nearly faster than her now so I am sure there will still be loads of my work left for when daddy gets back. I am sure he will be super proud of me. Unlike my mummy who’s favourite and only vocabulary at the moment is, “ah ah” ” No Béibhinn” “STOP” ” what are you doing B?” ” ah ah down from there” “oh no” or her favourite”Noooooooo, oh Béibhinn what have you done!” seriously how can she not see my wonderful work! Hope there’s nothing wrong with her eyesight guys.

So as you can see I am seriously busy. This may even be grounds for child exploitation! I really need to go now because I think mummy has just found the lovely surprise I just did for Daddy, oh man I am going to have nothing left at this stage. Have a great weekend your busy bee, little lady B x x


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