Béibhinn let me post on her blog tonight as she is just so exhausted from her exciting day. Today my little B Bear spent the day with her two Nana’s, her grand aunt and grand uncle,her aunties and her Grand – dad who all helped mind her while her daddy and I worked. This is not a normal day of course this was a special day:-) Thankfully work is starting to finally calm down for me and I am going to have the wonderful gift of time with my precious daughter. I think I have finally learned to appreciate & treasure each day, because you don’t know how many you are going to be given♥! Béibhinn has taught me this very important lesson that I unfortunately chose to ignore over the last 32 years.
Today I am blessed that Béibhinn is nearly five months old and doing so well. I know that I am one of the lucky heart mums who still has to face that frightening day when I have to hand Béibhinn over to Professor Redmond and trust that she is in good hands, while this amazing man repairs my beautiful little girls amazing special heart.
I’m thankful for her life, her heart, her smile, her hugs, her big personality that she is showing more and more of each day and her powerful strength and determination that has gotten her to this day and that will help her to face all her battles still to come. She is spoilt because I believe she has enough to face in her life and I cringe inside at what she has had to face already in her short five months.
I crumbled for a week last September when I heard the words ” I am sorry but your baby’s heart does not look normal” these words changed our lives forever. After a week I realised I could lay down and give up, or we as a couple could pick ourselves up, fight and get through this together. By sharing this Journey we found a strength and love we never knew existed. You find courage and inner strength when this is the only option you have. I often wondered why us ? but soon realised why not us? And I have finally stopped asking why?
We are all given crosses and everyone’s is unique and special to them. The bigger the crosses, the more you learn. For me I learnt that I had a strength I never believed I had. Strength is knowing that your baby can be taken away from you any day but still getting on with life and not showing the fear that you live with every day. This was something I worried about as I didn’t think I could, however each day that passes it is getting a little easier. I have stopped telling strangers in the street about Béibhinns heart when they stop and admire her. Instead I say thank you and tell them a funny story about her as a baby. I can not continue to define her by her heart. She is so much more than that. I have stopped crying to my family and friends because I realise I am lucky to have this incredible, brave little girl in my life and I need to be brave for her.
Through this journey We have discovered who our real true friends are who have supported us from the start and who continue to be our rock. These are the ones who are not afraid to ask about Béibhinn’s heart, some of them still ask me every day. They are the ones who travelled to Dublin in the snow over Christmas to help make our stay there a little easier, they are the ones who gave me a kick up the bum in my darkest days and told me to carry on and they are the ones who still do it to this day. I am lucky to have you. I don’t say it to you like I do my family but I truly love you and I know how blessed I am to have friends like you who I knew from when I was a child. Now we have children of our own. I hope that they will be as good friends as we are.
Our family have been amazing and we could not continue on this journey without their love, support and help that they give us daily. Thank you Mum, Dad, Rose, Laura, Lauretta and Pete. I know how hard it must have been for all of ye. We will never forget what you did for us. I can’t put into words how grateful we are to you all. I know I say it everyday “thank you for what you have done” however it’s not enough and it never will be enough. I can’t tell you what it means to have you all.
We are blessed to now have a new family, our heart family. The love and friendship given to us by families all over the world that we didn’t know a few months ago has humbled me and made me realise that I was selfish before and was really not living in the real world. These families continuously relive their worst moments of their lives in order to give their support to new families who are entering this crazy heart world. My Irish heart mums Jacqui, Anita and Natasha who have spent countless hours with me supporting me and sharing the hardest moments of their lives. Thank you to these three very strong, kind and patient women who have also found strength.
I can not come up with words that can give the thanks and appreciation I have and feel for the doctors, nurses and specialists who give their time every day to our children who would not be here without them. You all will be forever in my prayers.
Thank you to the thousands of people many whom I don’t even know who prayed hard for Béibhinn and how follow her blog and story.
Finally I would like to thank Béibhinn’s daddy. Without you Eoin I would definitely not have made it to this day. The way you picked me up in your arms both physically and emotionally the day our hearts broke, The way you cared for Béibhinn the first week of her life will forever be in my heart. We are so lucky to have you. Happy Fathers day to a dad that definitely deserves a good day this year. We love you.
Béibhinn you are the most important thing in the world to your Daddy and I. I can’t imagine life any other way. Thank you for bursting into our hearts five months ago. You are, and will always be our beautiful baby girl.